1000 Things I Learned the Hard Way

[Sam_From_Space]

http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/4015/sealru5.gif

Yep, my latest thread!


I'm trying to get a run of good threads going, and I've had a few good 'uns in a row.

So..

Things you learned the hard way, it doesn't have to be serious, just jokes if ya want.


1. Never look to the sides at the urinal
2. When they say flammable...They mean flammable

[Rhysivich]

http://img152.imageshack.us/img152/4015/sealru5.gif

Yep, my latest thread!


I'm trying to get a run of good threads going, and I've had a few good 'uns in a row.

So..

Things you learned the hard way, it doesn't have to be serious, just jokes if ya want.


1. Never look to the sides at the urinal
2. When they say flammable...They mean flammable

3. Knock before entering your sisters bedroom when she is in there with her boyfriend.

[VintageElise]

4. Always turn your speakers down when watching....Ummm...You know....Videos....Of....Umm...Women....:) Even if you think no one is in the house....

[Sam_From_Space]

5. Never ask for more fingers in the cavity search

[gruddy]

I can see that the first few things are already taking a similar...genre :p

6. If you jump from a car going at 60mph, you won't start walking straight away like in the games :(

[Sam_From_Space]

7. Chips are fine without salt. Especially if you're blind enough to pick up sugar instead.

[gruddy]

7. Chips are fine without salt. Especially if you're blind enough to pick up sugar instead.

The times it happened...

:(

8. Listen to the weather forecast. If it's going to rain, don't set up a trip to go to the theme park!

[Sam_From_Space]

9. The sock on the doorknob is not decoration and/or laundry.

[REEEPR]

Don't flip hot dogs on the grill barehanded.:dunce

[Rhysivich]

11. Game threads on forums are more of an excuse to post than fun ;)

(Bar this thread of course.)

[ScorpionT16]

12. Dont put the wrong disk in the wrong case, because when you want to play you cant find the game!

[darky89]

13. When they say "don't look down", don't look down.

[Comatosed]

14. Don't tell the misses you bumped into your ex and she gave you her phone number :|

[Womble]

15. Don't forget to delete your history after watching certain videos on the interent, if it is a shared computer

[Sam_From_Space]

16. she may smell like a woman, but that does not mean that that cow wants to pleasure you

[LuckyJ23]

17. Never take a piss with the bathroom door open.

[MDN]

18. Sticks in eyes hurt...a lot!

[mickice]

19. Never lick the TV antenna. It gives off a mighty sting.

[UberNoob71]

20. when a woman says "im fine", she isn't.

21. never turn down sex, ever. Seriously, i mean that one from the heart.

[MR_T]

22. when looking down the barrel of a loaded homemade potato launcher dont push down on the ignition switch! the smell of burning hair and a bruised forehead is not a good look

[Vip3r]

2. When they say flammable...They mean flammable


23. When they say inflammable... They mean flammable. ;)

[Ljwinter]

24. When someone says "Be careful its hot" BE CAREFUL ITS HOT!!!!

[GuitarrassDeAmor]

25. Threads like this usually fail.

[Rhysivich]

24. 1000 Is a hard number to reach.

[Joker13]

25. Never try to smoke a really small roach clip

[Comatosed]

26. Getting your n00b friend to help you shmoke some green is a big mistake.

[nskinnear]

27. When someone says "Head's Up", don't look up.

[SolsticeZero]

28. Apparently punching babies isn't a good topic for humor.

[Tenacious_B]

29. Don't attempt a drunken backflip in a moonwalk. Especially when you weigh 200+ . i , i mean You might land on your neck.

[SymphonyX]

30.) Don't let anger get the best of you

31.) Want something done you have to do it yourself

32.) Firing my Lazer guy is blackface so it racist :lol:

[tmacfan4321]

33. Don't trust friends with your MP3 player. Period.

[BJP409]

34. Never sneeze and fart when you have diarrhea.:shock:

[UberNoob71]

35. Always delete messages which contain any kind of private material, somebody will read them, garunteed

[BJP409]

36. Secure the franks and beans before you close up shop:

What you were expecting a close up? :snicker
http://i98.photobucket.com/albums/l277/scalvert1978/TheresSomethingAboutMary.jpg

[UberNoob71]

37. never expect a close up

[NINJAGREGSAN]

38.Never put deoderant near a heat source.( 1 o mine was in front of a fan heater and it exploded a bit and the bottom went round.

[Bitbydeath]

39. Never open a pizza in your car

40. Women never listen.. grumble grumble grumble

[EVILPS3]

41. Never attempt to shoot an air rifle ''close to a mate''.http://www.footballforums.net/forums/images/smilies/oops.gif

[Zswordsman]

42. Never take away your pet rotweilers food for fun :(
43. Never say all asian people look the same or you'll get karate chopped on the neck

[BJP409]

44. Piss with the wind not against it!
45. Heads up actually means duck!
46. Duck means don't look to see why you need to....
47. Old hay band/twine is not a good "Tarzan" rope.
48. Gravity works.
49. ALWAYS take the opportunity to pee after beer when there is an hours driving time to get home.
50. When riding a horse on trail, the trail master may have told you the horse is a retired race horse, but no-one told the horse: Rule 48 in effect!

[killzone_71]

50. Close the door... ALWAYS CLOSE THE DOOR... :snicker
51. Lego's arent your friend when they're lying around unseen... :lol:

[advancednewbie]

52. Delete your internet history...trust me.
53. If you use WMP / Winamp, after you watch your "videos", always play a song or something "clean" before u close the program..because when u open WMP / Winamp again, what you "last played" with that program will stay there for about 5 seconds before loading the new program.

[mcav]

54. If you're certain you've broken your leg or ankle, it is best not to try to stand up afterwards.

[ScorpionT16]

55. Dont Think your playing Gran Turismo when on Highway 401

[siezetheday]

56) Never take Ambien and play a game that has been causing you problems. You'll be beating the level/boss, and fall asleep in the middle of it and never be able to recreate your success. :-(

57) Never have a picture slideshow wallpaper on a computer that will be used for school/business presentation. This = awkward moment.

[Idenowhereiam]

58) Condoms break.. That really awesome feeling isn't the extra sensitive kicking in

[mcav]

Jesus - how many poor *******s have fallen for the "extra sensitive condom" syndrome.

I have :(

[Torres]

48.If your mate is winding you up control your anger.Please don't hit him.

[GuitarrassDeAmor]

49. This thread will never succeed.

[MDwrestler]

50. Even if she says shes single.. Always make them have proof

[zeon9881]

58) Condoms break.. That really awesome feeling isn't the extra sensitive kicking in

I dont get this, what are you talking about, i guess im to young hehe

[Lethalmind]

I've learned never to drink coffee on a summer afternoon when I spilled it on myself.....
As if the 90 degree weather wasn't bad enough...

[KingJordan]

58) Condoms break.. That really awesome feeling isn't the extra sensitive kicking in


rofl rofl rofl...i don't care that there are 900 something more to go, this is definately the best post this thread will see...lmao


I dont get this, what are you talking about, i guess im to young hehe

If you're gonna try it, make sure the girl is on bc.

[GuitarrassDeAmor]

51. If she says no, she really means it.

[zeon9881]

If you're gonna try it, make sure the girl is on bc.
Ok i admit i knew what he/she was talking about but i was joking, and trust im not gonna be doing anything close to it for a long time, i just dont think its appropriate, is it just me:confused:

[KingJordan]

Ok i admit i knew what he/she was talking about but i was joking, and trust im not gonna be doing anything close to it for a long time, i just dont think its appropriate, is it just me:confused:

Well...if things go right, it's 15 seconds of heaven. If it goes wrong, it's 15 seconds of heaven, then you get a surprise 9 months later.

[zeon9881]

15 seconds isnt worth it imo, rather have 30mins of mouth watering pizza with cheese in the crust, to bad im on a diet though

[Morganator]

59. Never try to force out a fart in a public place like Wal-Mart. There's a 99% chance of forcing out the Hershey squirts instead. :pale:oops:

[MDwrestler]

15 seconds isnt worth it imo, rather have 30mins of mouth watering pizza with cheese in the crust, to bad im on a diet though


....... The 15 seconds is worth it my man... It is only a matter of time before you change your mind on that

[zeon9881]

....... The 15 seconds is worth it my man... It is only a matter of time before you change your mind on that

My mind will never change about this, im just to young and innocent to become evil:twisted:

[Vulgotha]

I just learned that 225 sit ups hurt alot.

[KingJordan]

My mind will never change about this, im just to young and innocent to become evil:twisted:

It is not evil at all, it's simply one of nature's many blessings. :heart:

[Sam_From_Space]

*Bump*

Your fists can not do that breaking wood thing you see on TV.

[wchua24]

that cigarette's are addictive..

[kidd0218]

27. When someone says "Head's Up", don't look up.

66. When someone says "Heads up", a ball is coming to hit you somewhere that it can hurt, and dont look up!

67. Dont tune a guitar with your face close to the fretboard, or you'll lose an eye!

68. When preparing food, cutting and chopping ingredients. Dont look up and look at the clock and talk while doing prep!

69. Dont spray cologne up in the air and look up while trying to catch the sprayed cologne. It burns your eyes

70. DO not double post!

[Sylar]

67. Dont tune a guitar with your face close to the fretboard, or you'll lose an eye!

haha =P


71. don't remove all the strings on your guitar at once if you have a floyd rose :cry:

72. Don't take a big sniff of pepper to see if it makes you sneeze!

73. If your going to moan about someone annoying you, make sure they are not there when you do it! :p

[pearce007]

74. Never rub another man's rhubarb.

75. Alcohol does NOT make you invincible.

76. Yellow snow is not lemon flavour.

77. White men CANT jump.

78. Watching all the Rocky films does not qualify you as a boxer (the same applies for Karate Kid).

79. Handle bars are for holding. :sleep:

80. Beehives contain honey and BEES.

81. Paintball's do leave bruises.

82. When a dog growl's, he isn't laughing, he's angry.

83. Never tell your best friend his sister is crap in bed.

Another 10 on the list

:2gun:

[mcav]

84. The HDCP error on Gen 4 5 and 6 Pioneer plasmas CAN STILL HAPPEN.

85. Women are crazy.

[Luner_Chaos]

86. Never eat chocolate your dog or cat dropped.

[Eddian!]

87. Never Dismount What You Don't Know How To Mount Back...

[gta0004]

88. Never put a heated iron on your hand, it burns ... BAD

[Lionel Hutz]

89. It really isn't good to take candy from a stranger.

[darky89]

90. Don't think you can run head on in a straight line and still manage to knife that sniper.

[ex nihilo7]

91. The brownie on the floor next to the house plant is not really a brownie.

[hoho87]

when they say dont open this, DONT OPEN IT

[ako127]

A lamp can melt the plastic cover on the side of your monitor.

[PS3friend]

94. if u want to impress a girl give them shoes. dont take them to see ur local footie team

95. dont reverse ur car on a motorway or u will probably hit something big and metal

[Fergus2k8]

96. Kettle = HOT

97. When stirring something, make sure the cooker is ON

98. Do not attempt playing GTA 4 and SC 4 all night with no sleep

99. When a teacher says "you are on your last warning" they mean it

100. Do not lick the spoon after stirring boiling water with it.

101. Never pet an growling doggie

102. When a kitten is asleep, do not be all "in their face"

103. Do not drink fizzy drinks straight after fizzy sweets

104. Do not attempt to jump on someone who is 5 years older then you and captain of football team

105. Don't attach a lighter to a flammable spray.

106. Don't leaving studying for a test until the last night

107. If someone is in a "men's privates punching mood" COVER! (it hurts, a lot!)

[Rolovis]

108. When taking Vicodin, DO watch The Fast and the Furious.

[Sylar]

109. Don't do sex motions behind someone and think they won't turn around before you've finished.
110. Never trust someone who says "Trust Me"

[DarkVincent07]

111. Dont let your parents even START talking to you about 'that subject' walk away!!

[kopkiwi]

You can assume the safety position all you want, but that plane is still going to hit the ground at 900km/ph.

Pinging your girlfriends bra strap wont "get her in the mood"

Your current girlfriend doesn't want to hear about your exploits in the sack with your ex girlfriend.

Folding the toilet paper less than twice can create an unforgiving experience.

[Thorzilla]

If you have a cat and its "necessities" sand box is in the bathroom, watch your step. Chances are you will step on cat pi.

[kidd0218]

It is best to have a lock on your door. Especially if you're doing something with someone or by yourself that it is not suitable for viewing. lols

[OrganDonor]

Going back to your ex-girlfriend more than once. They're your ex for a reason....

[Copyright]

Don't jump of a cliff! No seriously, don't, it REALLY hurts...

[kidd0218]

Don't jump of a cliff! No seriously, don't, it REALLY hurts...

I'm surprise you're still posting and alive! lols

[Black F 0 X]

Dont use the condom sitting in the back of your draw with the cobbweb on it. It MIGHT break.

[kopkiwi]

Don't use a condom more than once...nasty

[miamiman]

Celebrate the greatness......